How to Share Your Gift Blair Singer

How to Share Your Gift

In a recent post, I mentioned how one of people’s biggest fears is public speaking. So big, in fact, that it is a bigger fear than death.

Why is that?

The reason is their little voice. That fear inside their head that tells them horrible things will happen if they do or say something foolish in front of others.

Imagine that, more people fear what others will think of them over being dead.

It’s ludicrous.

And to make matters worse, rarely is that little voice something of their own making. It could have been sparked by something their parents, friends, teachers, bosses, etc. said to them decades ago. Yet, there it is, rattling around their head telling them lies about who they should be and how they should act.

Which brings up another point about who you are.

For example, social norms dictate that boys should act differently than girls. Boys should be tough and assertive where as girls should be sweet and shy. Whose little voice is telling us that, exactly?

If you’re entering into a personal or business relationship, don’t you want to know they are genuine?

Let’s say a storm rips through your neighborhood summer evening. A woman pulls up in her service van with all the correct signage on it. She knocks on your door and tells you the roof could use a facelift. With minimal disruption to you, she says you can have a repair finished within two weeks. And for the price, you can’t pass it up.

But something about it doesn’t seem right. “Why are they shifting side to side? Why can’t she maintain eye contact? Why is she mumbling? What is she hiding? I feel like she is trying to pull one over on me.”

Her little voice is making your little voice nervous. You pull out right as you’re about to sign on the dotted line.

You miss out on a great deal and they miss out on a good client. Though she comes off professional (and actually is very good at her job) her lack of confidence killed a great opportunity.

Her fear could very well be related to what we spoke about at the beginning, fear of public speaking.

“If I show my vulnerability, if you see me for who I really am, you’ll notice the cesspool of neuroses in my head and you won’t like me.”

Here’s the thing, we all have cesspools of neuroses. In all my years of working with people across the world, I have found that most people appreciate other people who are willing to be candid.

Now showing some vulnerability isn’t the same thing as voicing every complaint about your life that you can think of. But people want to know that when push comes to shove and you’re faced with adversity, they want someone they can trust, someone who will give it to them straight.

That’s why it’s so important to eliminate the fear of what other people think of you.

Even after decades of giving speeches in front of thousands of people I still find myself dealing with my little voice. I have my own counselors who I work with regularly to get my mind where I need it to be to perform and teach at my best.

One of the most important pieces of advice I ever received was this, “Blair, you have a gift.”

Now, that might not be news to you. I’m sure you’ve heard that before. But even though you have heard it before and know it, doesn’t mean you believe it. That’s why it’s so important that you spend time with yourself believing it.

Acknowledge your gift, embrace it, love it. When my mentor told me that, I was quick to dismiss the advice. I thought my gift was showing others how to sell. But that’s just it, my mentor was quick to help me understand my gift wasn’t the ability of salesmanship. No, it was helping others feel good about themselves.

Maybe you share that gift, too. Do others tell you that you’re nice, have a good heart, and they generally feel good about themselves around you?

Great!

That’s your gift.

Don’t hide from it but embrace it… then share it.

Original publish date: November 20, 2019