couple fighting over money

How to Talk About Money with Your Partner

Making the taboo subject of money an open one

When Robert and I were first dating, he asked me, “Do you have a problem with being rich?”

I thought to myself, “What a strange question! Who would have a problem with that?”

When I asked Robert why he asked, he went on to explain that many women he’d talked with in the past found it offensive to talk about money, or to be focused on making a lot of money. They thought it was a superficial goal to want to be rich.

The reality is that there are plenty of people who think money isn’t a subject that should be discussed. Even though it’s something we all need and use on a daily basis, it’s a taboo subject that makes most people feel uncomfortable.

Do you talk about money with your partner?

The funny thing is that Robert was really the first person I dated who wanted to discuss the subject of money at length—and to make sure we were on the same page when it came to money.

Chances are, you might not talk a lot about money with your partner, either because you take their views for granted, or because you’re simply uncomfortable doing so.

But I believe that for a relationship to thrive, partners need to be on the same page, or at least understand each other’s pages, when it comes to the major things in life. That includes money!

Some questions to ask about money

If money isn’t something you talk about candidly and openly with your partner, then you may want to make a special date and begin this important conversation.

Here are a few questions the two of you could answer to get started:

  • What did your parents tell you about the subject of money?
  • Did your own thoughts differ from those of your parents?
  • What does money represent to you?
  • What’s your general thought about very rich people?
  • How rich is “very rich” to you?

Sometimes you’ll meet resistance to this subject due to long held beliefs and discomfort with the topic of money. Take it slow and gentle.

In the end, the conversation is necessary and healthy. By understanding each other’s views, you better understand each other as people. And that’s the key to building a lifelong partnership.

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Original publish date: November 06, 2014